Is Sur’s Plucked and Sprayed Tom Sandoval Gay?

Dear Hank

Sur, Lisa Vanderpump, vanderpump rules,
Tom Sandoval

Our girlfriends forced me and a buddy to watch “Vanderpump Rules” the other night. You probably know it’s a TV show about a bunch of celebrity wannabes that wait tables and work the bar at Sur, that restaurant on North Robertson. So here’s the question: Is that guy Tom, the bartender, gay? The show made a big deal about him having a girlfriend named Kristen. But my buddy and I couldn’t get over that scene where he’s at home shaving his forehead and stressing out that he doesn’t have the right hairspray. We also think it’s kind of weird that he’s so hairless with his shirt off. Our girlfriends are crazy about him and think we’re nuts to suggest he’s anything but hetero. So we all agreed to ask you. By the way, there’s a lot riding on your answer. If you say he’s gay, the gals have to buy us dinner — at Sur, which ain’t cheap. If you say he’s straight, we pay.

Harry Hetero

Dear Harry:

Well, I don’t think we should make too much of the fact that Tom Sandoval got his start in the film business when he was discovered by gay filmmaker David DeCoteau, who cast him in the tastefully homoerotic horror film “Playing with Fire” (2008). DeCoteau, who got his start in the business with critically unacclaimed but brilliantly titled films such as “Creepozoids,” “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama” and “Nightmare Sisters,” has also made films under the pseudonyms Ellen Cabot and Victoria Sloan. He really made a name for himself with films such as “Playing with Fire,” “Haunted Frat” and “Beastly Boys,” which featured lots of young guys in their underwear in an Abercrombie & Fitch-like move to attract both gay men and straight girls.

DeCoteau acknowledges that in an interview with, where he says the audience for his films is mostly gay men, “but quite a few straight girls” (maybe your girlfriend among them?). He says he doesn’t know the sexual orientation of his actors, but they all are aware that his films take advantage of their “beauty” and the way they look in boxer briefs, one of his favorite items of clothing.

I’m guessing you are assuming Sandoval is gay because you live in West Hollywood, where shaving chests and foreheads and pubic hair and using lots of “product” in hair is a (thankfully fading) fad among gay men who can’t let go of their adolescence. But you must remember that vacuousness and obsession with beauty are not defining characteristics of gay men, no matter how many leg shavers and eyebrow pluckers you might see at 24 Hour Fitness. I’d argue that everything you’ve observed about Sandoval in that first “Vanderpump Rules” episode is more typical these days of celebrity culture, where vacuousness really rules.

That said, I don’t really know if Tom Sandoval is gay. I’d suggest we all stay tuned and see if Lisa Vanderpump susses that out in her weekly inquisition/staff meeting about the sexual antics of her employees. Meantime, consider going Dutch with the girlfriends for a dinner at Tortilla Republic, which is next door to Sur and quite a bit cheaper. Sorry to disappoint, but even Hank doesn’t know it all, as the guy he’s currently dating frequently reminds him.

Gaily yours,


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  1. straight people, female and male, are uncomfortable with beautiful men, even if the beautiful man is very masculine. So they attempt to undermine the man’s handsome, if narcisstic appearance by crtiicizing the man’s vanity and labeling him as gay. Homophobia and bigotry are alive and well, certainly on this blog. Ugly comments by ugly ugly people.

  2. He is 100% gay! I think the only straight cast members are Scheanna (spelling?) and Peter How many times have we seen Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz cuddling in bed together? Hint: more times than we’ve seen that duo with their supposed “partners.”

  3. He is DEFINITELY NOT GAY! We’ve been good friends for YEARS–since we were young and stay in touch ALL the time. If he were gay, I would know it! His metro-sexual behavior comes from years as a model where if you don’t look your best, someone else gets the job! Your girlfriends like him because he takes care of himself, like they probably wish YOU did! (hint…hint)..He and Kristen were together for years (I NEVER really cared for her) and he’s been in relationships with ONLY girls, as long as I’ve known him. He’s told me about being approached by gay guys because they too make that assumption, so what!? (he doesn’t need to mention to me at all, but he DOES live in West Hollywood, right?) He politely tells them “he’s not into that”. But he is always nice to them because they’re fans and people with feeling just like you and I! And he doesn’t judge people by their sexual orientation like folks like you and others on here are so quick to do! I LOVE the way people draw their own mistaken conclusions without knowing ANYTHING about the person they have labeled! BTW, the girls win the dinner at SUR, and Tom will likely be bartending if you decide to go on the weekend–He may even mix your drinks! If you’re such a macho man why don’t you just go meet him, talk to him, say “hi” to his new girlfriend and ask him yourself?…if you’ve got the balls!

  4. HE is SOOOOO gay! I, too have gaydar, and even if I did not, there is no way in hell that he is straight! I would bet my life on it! No straight guys do what he does in primping. Many gay men have girl friends as a cover, but make no mistake, he prefers the men!

  5. I don’t watch reality shows but I was listening to RHOBH while working on my computer and as soon as I heard him talk I looked over at the screen and immediately thought he must be gay and really hot too. I had never heard of him before and here I am today surfing the internet to find out everything about him. He’s definitely gay and I don’t understand why he is trying to pass himself off as something else. He’s too old to be unaware of his own sexuality.

  6. A lot of these answers are coming from middle america red necks who don’t know many gay people.. I’M GAY and the most jock like, str8 acting, muscle built gay man who’d put the fear of god in most str8 men, with that said, I’m the antithesis of most gay men where I don’t float about with high pitched giggles and wear tight clothes. I play rugby, which is a sport that makes american football look girly as hell! My apartment is messy with clothes everywhere like most str8 men….I could care less about cologne on my body… so YES, i’m very manly…the point i’m making is that, JUST because Tom Sandoval shaves his head and whines about having the wrong hair spray DOES NOT make him gay. My best friend is str8 with wife and three kids and he acts just like Tom.. it’s called “BEING A METROSEXUAL”. So to all of the str8 people out there who like to have the clear perfect definition of what a gay man is…. YOU’RE WRONG!!!!!! OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!

  7. most recent episode in cabo. him and (jax or the other tom, can’t remember) wake up in bed together with their arms around each other after a drunken night! maybe he’s not officially gay but I’m sure they got a nice little tug in 😉

  8. Tom has the sexiest armpits I have ever seen. When he is bartending, and he is muddling in a glass, you get full-on armpit view. I would tongue-bathe them after a long shift. p.s. Kristen does not deserve him. She is a tragic case and I cannot figure out why he would subject himself to her need to torture others.

  9. I had an effeminate friend who everyone thought was gay but he had a girlfriend AND a gay brother that he was close with… I stood up for him all the time… Long story short he moved and has boyfriend now! So I mean ANYTHING is possible…

  10. I can confirm with 100% certainty that he’s not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that of course 😉 100% not gay

  11. Mali,
    People don’t care if you are gay or not gay in this discussion. I hate when people alwayys try to make it so political when it has nothing at all to do with it. I don’t think that is the point. It is when someone is on a television show, broadcasting to the public that he has a girlfriend.. I mean, if he was actually gay, that would be horrible for that girl and a realy shitty thing to do, especially considering they are on a TV SHOW in the PUBLIC EYE I would be so hurt if I were Kristen.

  12. He is obviously not gay. He and Kristen have been sleeping together ( like Kristen said ) longer than they’ve been together . He is also a model and they are supposed to take care of themselves,and really is that a bad thing . It’s typical behavior for a guy who lives in LA .so is he a bit vain, yes , but not gay.

  13. i love how people claim they are ‘ok’ with Gay but then say something is ‘off’ oh the hederosexist remarks are too funny. Is he stupid and annoying,Yes! Is he as insipid and vacuous as the rest of them,yes! He seems so far the less vicious but that means little. In the real worls this behavior would be looked down on when linked to your work. Anything for tv huh!

  14. I don’t know, man. He lived down the street from me growing up, and there was no indication neither from him nor from our neighbor/his girlfriend that he was gay.

  15. Tom is so Gay, look at the way he took his shirt off to ‘fight’ at Creepy Stocie’s ‘Birthday Bash’ in Vegas, I think he secretly wanted to be shirtless with JAX who he no doubt would like to suck up to even more than he already does.

  16. I don’t think there is a reason to put labels on a dude you don’t know in the slightest. He comes across as having many effeminate qualities as far as his looks are concerned but the way he stands up for his homies makes me believe he is straight. On another note he seems to be the only chill, down to earth cast member on Vanderpump Rules, and I think he’s cool as hell and would definitely hang with him and not feel like a homo at all. Keep on rocking in Tom!

  17. I also think he’s gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but there is something off about him and he’s such a pretender. They are all pretenders but it looks like he doesn’t even belong in a hetero relationship. Kristen and the rest of the girls need some self-esteem though.

  18. He is definitely gay. No straight man acts the way he does. My boyfriend watched the show with me and said he is gay without a doubt.

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